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bombed
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Name: Carolyn
Country: United States
State: New Jersey
Metro: Bridgewater
Birthday: 1/22/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: video games, garden state, cock sparrer, rockabilly, art history, oi!, world/inferno friendship society, literature, photography, bukowski, boys, tight pants, cigarettes, surrealism, exploding hearts, time to eat.
Expertise: knifefights, breaking hearts, ♥, being a narcissist.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  sexified robot
Member Since:
2/11/2004
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| he's been defriended, deleted, and blocked. too bad you can't erase memories.
fuck you world. with all the technology we've already discovered how come we can't erase those?
huh? WHY THE FUCK NOT?
guess i'll watch that jim carrey movie.
eternal sunshine or w/e.
OH WAIT. I SAW THAT WITH HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME.
....
< / happiness deleted >
< / sanity deleted>
< / end entry >
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| sunday i went to visit vas. i slipped on his dormroom floor and hit the back of my head. now i have a concussion and i have to go to the hospital tomorrow to get a CAT scan and make sure my head isn't bleeding and shit. fun! i was happy to see him tho. $30 train tickets to see him for 5 hours and get a concussion but i still think it was worth it. he's my best friend and i love him!
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| when i woke up this morning it seemed as if everything i had was gone.
and everything i thought i finally took care of came back.
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| i am so sick of some people's shit and the way they treat me.
fuck him for not believing in me.
fuck him for being so nosy and inconsiderate.
fuck her for being self centered and conniving.
fuck him for being in my head again.
fuck him for trying to forget everything about us and me.
fuck him for leaving when i realized i loved him, and coming back when i just get over him.
fuck him for what he did to me and getting away with it.
fuck him for.. well just fuck him. cause that's all it's ever gonna be.
fuck him for never calling.
fuck them for being really convincing that they actually care.
fuck them for saying they miss me when it sure doesn't fucking seem like it.
fuck them for never being there for me.
fuck her for only coming to me when she needs me to be there for her.
fuck her for leaving and never calling to let me know she is going to be okay.
fuck her for being back in my life again.
fuck her for being a hypocrite and becoming the completely opposite of what she absolutely hated a couple years ago... when she actually had a personality of her own.
and fuck me for being a whiny, useless whore.
oh, and fuck this god damn ambient/chill music that instead of making me 'chill out' and relax, it's making me think about shit i don't want to and making me anxious and angry. FUCK.
my stomach hurts.
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| i had a horrible nightmare last night. woke up at 8am from it. didn't want to go back to sleep. i know it's weird and sounds impossible but sometimes when i go back to sleep right away my dreams continue...
first, everyone i knew from middle school and high school was in my driveway. who the fuck knows why. matt was there.... he came out of a car in the middle of my driveway and tried to hug me. i started screaming at him and crying because he stopped talking to me 4 months ago. (not even sure but it might have actually been 4 months ago.)
then i kept trying to call vas but he wouldn't pick up. his voicemail was changed and it was a certain someone's voice. (i don't even really know what this person's voice sounds like...) then my phone finally rang, i began to get excited but unfortunately it was my father. he said he was with some FBI agent and that vas has been lying to me. he's really a junior at vo-tech and is filthy and using me. (wtf i know.) i was hysterically crying saying but i love him and he love's me and i visited him at his school! i was in his dorm! i hung up the phone.
i appeared to be in some long hallway in a strange brick building. it kind of reminded me of my middle school except the doors had large glass panes. matt and i were standing and just staring at each other. vas finally showed up, don't know how he knew where i was. i told him what my father said, he laughed, hugged me, and said it was all lies. he saw matt and THEY SHOOK HANDS as if they were old friends. vas asked him if he ate breakfast yet, matt replied no. then they decided to go eat and left me alone. last thing i remember is watching them leave thru the glass paned doors and watching vas lock it.
yeah. weird.
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